The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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