I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
