meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
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I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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