Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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