And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
