i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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