my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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