He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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