When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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