Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
