tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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