the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
