Do vagina's smell?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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