:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
