I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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