Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
