You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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