he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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