Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
