The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
