Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
