That's intense
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
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I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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