My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
A+ Viking dick
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize