very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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