I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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