i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
