I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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