Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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