Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
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