I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize