Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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