You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
