I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
