oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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