you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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