Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
