Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Randomize