super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
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