the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
3 2 1 whiskey
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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