i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
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whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
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The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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