is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
