so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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