the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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