Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
