I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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