I need help removing her.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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