Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
