he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
