So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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