Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
