never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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