hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
3 2 1 whiskey
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
