He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just high enough for therapy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
