I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Text me some of your sweat
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