Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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