If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
third nipple confirmed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
