Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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