Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
