yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
His nipple licking is glorious
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