But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
