I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
