You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This is the high leading the old right now
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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