Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
