So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
