8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
