That's intense
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
