Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pants are for mortals
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
