No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
