I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
