You smell like a Billy Joel song
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
