kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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