So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
