i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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