I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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