She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
