You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
