JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
